Dear Babies Everywhere!
Teeth! Oh. MY! Formula! Do you know about these? No??? Shut the wipey case! I got my first one on August 1! I mean, I knew something was weird. I had all this extra "drool" and my gums felt funny. Next thing I know, there's a pokey thing coming out of my gums! Oh My Formula! You have to get you a tooth! Mommy and daddy got all excited! I don't know why they kept sticking their fingers in my mouth to feel! Oh! And then? I got ANOTHER one on August 11, a mere 10 days later! I just love to sit in my bouncy or my swing and touch them! They're pointy and sharp! And it makes chewing so much more FUN! Sometimes, when I chew on mommy's finger she says "OW" though and then I get a TOY!!! I mean, seriously! Get you some teeth! You get toys and yummy in your tummy wafer COOKIES!!!
Sincerely,
Madison
Ruler of the World in Training
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Monday, August 17, 2015
Faking it!
Dear Babies Everywhere:
Today we shall discuss, "faking it". Remember when I talked about "work"? Oh my formula! That word makes my formula curdle! I just don't understand why my mommy has to go there! She says she doesn't want to! That she wants to stay home with me. But she goes to "work" anyways! Ok, so, like, I finally compiled a plan to get her to come home EARLY! By faking it! Now, see, for your plan to work you have to, uhhmmm, well, practice early! Mine was perfect! See, I got a little fever on Friday that went away right after some Tylenol. Step 1 complete. Well, last night, I started coughing a little. Be careful here babies! I had my mommy going for a while until she caught me smiling after every cough! Look, I was concocting a plan, I'll work on my straight face later! Anyways, step 2 complete. Cue Monday. You know, "work" day! I was enjoying life and mommy left. Alright, you have to pace yourself a little here. So after breakfast, cue my "coughing" again. This time though, I added a little something extra called a "wheeze". I even let my babysitter record it to send to mommy! I KNEW this plan was working! I kept hearing mommy call and text to check on me. Now, if you're talented enough to turn any spew colors (I liked yellow) do so now. Sigh, this still wasn't working. So, I refused to take a solid nap. Then, I screamed! Yup! I let out a wail like a banshee! A wail my mommy says might break glass one day! Wouldn't that rock a onsie!?!? Next thing I knew, mommy came home!!! And I got a special deal! Even grandma and my aunt came over! Then, DADDY came home! By mushed green beans I've figured out the key to getting what I want! So since everyone was home, I stopped coughing. I mean, no point in continuing on right? Ok, truth be told, I have a little cold. But still. I will cough a cue! Well, my babysitter left. Then my grandma and aunt left. And my parents! They took me to the doctor! I mean! How rude! So, well, I didn't have a choice but to go along. The doctor saw me, watched that video and said I have a little cold. I refused to cough the WHOLE entire time! Bwahahaha! Take that burp rags! Then they "discharged" me. I looked at mommy. And out of peas and spit up, I coughed! Good thing I didn't do that in front of the doctor though. He said something about an inhaler. Well, now I'm back home with my mommy and daddy contentedly playing on the floor. And every once in a while, I look up at my mommy and you guessed it! Cough! And that's how I got mommy to leave work early!
Sincerely,
Madison
Ruler of the World in Training
Today we shall discuss, "faking it". Remember when I talked about "work"? Oh my formula! That word makes my formula curdle! I just don't understand why my mommy has to go there! She says she doesn't want to! That she wants to stay home with me. But she goes to "work" anyways! Ok, so, like, I finally compiled a plan to get her to come home EARLY! By faking it! Now, see, for your plan to work you have to, uhhmmm, well, practice early! Mine was perfect! See, I got a little fever on Friday that went away right after some Tylenol. Step 1 complete. Well, last night, I started coughing a little. Be careful here babies! I had my mommy going for a while until she caught me smiling after every cough! Look, I was concocting a plan, I'll work on my straight face later! Anyways, step 2 complete. Cue Monday. You know, "work" day! I was enjoying life and mommy left. Alright, you have to pace yourself a little here. So after breakfast, cue my "coughing" again. This time though, I added a little something extra called a "wheeze". I even let my babysitter record it to send to mommy! I KNEW this plan was working! I kept hearing mommy call and text to check on me. Now, if you're talented enough to turn any spew colors (I liked yellow) do so now. Sigh, this still wasn't working. So, I refused to take a solid nap. Then, I screamed! Yup! I let out a wail like a banshee! A wail my mommy says might break glass one day! Wouldn't that rock a onsie!?!? Next thing I knew, mommy came home!!! And I got a special deal! Even grandma and my aunt came over! Then, DADDY came home! By mushed green beans I've figured out the key to getting what I want! So since everyone was home, I stopped coughing. I mean, no point in continuing on right? Ok, truth be told, I have a little cold. But still. I will cough a cue! Well, my babysitter left. Then my grandma and aunt left. And my parents! They took me to the doctor! I mean! How rude! So, well, I didn't have a choice but to go along. The doctor saw me, watched that video and said I have a little cold. I refused to cough the WHOLE entire time! Bwahahaha! Take that burp rags! Then they "discharged" me. I looked at mommy. And out of peas and spit up, I coughed! Good thing I didn't do that in front of the doctor though. He said something about an inhaler. Well, now I'm back home with my mommy and daddy contentedly playing on the floor. And every once in a while, I look up at my mommy and you guessed it! Cough! And that's how I got mommy to leave work early!
Sincerely,
Madison
Ruler of the World in Training
Monday, August 10, 2015
Investments!
Dear Babies Everywhere:
Good Evening Babies! Tonight's "Moment With Madison" meeting is now in session! What's on the table tonight you ask? Investments! Now, now, don't go dropping your bottles. Hear me out. We have to teach our parents how to invest properly! Don't go chocking on your mashed bananas because the concept scares you. It's a good thing. Our parental subjects MUST learn investment! They need to learn to invest in Excedrin. They need to learn to invest in ear plugs. They need to learn to invest in additional insulation as a sound barrier. Yes! Investing! How do we teach them this? We SQUEAL!!! And then we squeal some more! It's a beautiful tool we have in our onsies! My parents have learned about investments early! Mommy apparently bought stock in Excedrin! I squeal sooooooooo loud it hurts her ears! If she doesn't have a migraine, she does by the time I'm done! It's sooooo much fun! Now, when you squeal you want to hit the HIGHEST pitch you can manage! It gets you the most return on your parents investment! The more you squeal, the more Excedrin they take! Now, my parental subjects have not quite figured out the ear plug thing. And apparently, they can't add insulation because they do something called "renting". But, we have Excedrin down pat! Now, if you need an example of how to properly squeal, please watch my attached video. It's not my best work. I can actually get a lot louder and get a much higher pitch, but, well, I had a busy day that wore my orajel out! Anyways, grab your teething toys and listen up!
Sincerely,
Madison
Future Ruler of the World in Training
Good Evening Babies! Tonight's "Moment With Madison" meeting is now in session! What's on the table tonight you ask? Investments! Now, now, don't go dropping your bottles. Hear me out. We have to teach our parents how to invest properly! Don't go chocking on your mashed bananas because the concept scares you. It's a good thing. Our parental subjects MUST learn investment! They need to learn to invest in Excedrin. They need to learn to invest in ear plugs. They need to learn to invest in additional insulation as a sound barrier. Yes! Investing! How do we teach them this? We SQUEAL!!! And then we squeal some more! It's a beautiful tool we have in our onsies! My parents have learned about investments early! Mommy apparently bought stock in Excedrin! I squeal sooooooooo loud it hurts her ears! If she doesn't have a migraine, she does by the time I'm done! It's sooooo much fun! Now, when you squeal you want to hit the HIGHEST pitch you can manage! It gets you the most return on your parents investment! The more you squeal, the more Excedrin they take! Now, my parental subjects have not quite figured out the ear plug thing. And apparently, they can't add insulation because they do something called "renting". But, we have Excedrin down pat! Now, if you need an example of how to properly squeal, please watch my attached video. It's not my best work. I can actually get a lot louder and get a much higher pitch, but, well, I had a busy day that wore my orajel out! Anyways, grab your teething toys and listen up!
Sincerely,
Madison
Future Ruler of the World in Training
Monday, August 3, 2015
We Must Go On Strike!
Dear Babies Everywhere!
We must have an emergency meeting! We must go on strike! We must PROTEST! What has my diaper full you ask? I'll tell you! My pamper is exploding with rage over WORK! Ok, here's the deal, I know my daddy leaves during the day and comes home. I hear mommy and daddy mentioning work here and there. But I didn't get it. Mommy stays home with me. We go places, we play, we nap, and we eat. We do SO MUCH! I'd heard their not so subtle whispers of mommy going to this place called work. But I thought I was her work! I mean, she went there today! Oh! My! Formula! My babysitter was awesome. And I've had them before but only once or twice for as long as I had one today, and it's ALWAYS been grandma! WORK! UGHHH! Makes me need a Huggie! And I like my Pampers! Mommy was gone ALL. DAY. LONG!!! I had fun at my babysitters, but it just wasn't the same. There were no mommy snuggles and kisses whenever I wanted. My daddy picked me up and brought me home. And DO YOU KNOW WHAT? This makes me so SPIT UP MAD! Mommy wasn't home yet!!! I had to wait a whole hour for her to get home! Boy was I happy! I had the biggest grin on my face! And I gave my mommy so many kissies! I kissied her nose. I kissied her chin! I kissied her mouth! I kissied her nose some more! I even put kissy spit up her nose! Mommy and I laughed and laughed! But I digress. We must go on strike! We cannot have our parental subjects going to this place called WORK! So you know what I did? I decided I was tired. So, for one of the very few times in my life, I screamed! Yup! I screamed! I wailed! I cried! And I did it in my sleep too! My mommy felt soooooo horrible. Maybe now she won't go back to work. Ugh. Well, at least I got extra mommy snuggles tonight!
Sincerely,
Madison
Future Ruler Of The World In Training
P.S. Oh Spit Up! I heard rumblings that mommy has to go back to work tomorrow!
We must have an emergency meeting! We must go on strike! We must PROTEST! What has my diaper full you ask? I'll tell you! My pamper is exploding with rage over WORK! Ok, here's the deal, I know my daddy leaves during the day and comes home. I hear mommy and daddy mentioning work here and there. But I didn't get it. Mommy stays home with me. We go places, we play, we nap, and we eat. We do SO MUCH! I'd heard their not so subtle whispers of mommy going to this place called work. But I thought I was her work! I mean, she went there today! Oh! My! Formula! My babysitter was awesome. And I've had them before but only once or twice for as long as I had one today, and it's ALWAYS been grandma! WORK! UGHHH! Makes me need a Huggie! And I like my Pampers! Mommy was gone ALL. DAY. LONG!!! I had fun at my babysitters, but it just wasn't the same. There were no mommy snuggles and kisses whenever I wanted. My daddy picked me up and brought me home. And DO YOU KNOW WHAT? This makes me so SPIT UP MAD! Mommy wasn't home yet!!! I had to wait a whole hour for her to get home! Boy was I happy! I had the biggest grin on my face! And I gave my mommy so many kissies! I kissied her nose. I kissied her chin! I kissied her mouth! I kissied her nose some more! I even put kissy spit up her nose! Mommy and I laughed and laughed! But I digress. We must go on strike! We cannot have our parental subjects going to this place called WORK! So you know what I did? I decided I was tired. So, for one of the very few times in my life, I screamed! Yup! I screamed! I wailed! I cried! And I did it in my sleep too! My mommy felt soooooo horrible. Maybe now she won't go back to work. Ugh. Well, at least I got extra mommy snuggles tonight!
Sincerely,
Madison
Future Ruler Of The World In Training
P.S. Oh Spit Up! I heard rumblings that mommy has to go back to work tomorrow!
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
July 23, 2015 - Keeping parental units on their toes with growth spurts!
Dear Babies Everywhere,
It's time for another moment with Madison. Let's babble about growth spurts. They're so much fun. We can use them as an excuse to "throw off" our schedules and keep our parents awake! In my case, mommy because she's a light sleeper. Daddy would sleep through a train crashing through the house! So when you feel a spurt coming on, refuse to go back to sleep that morning. Follow it up with refusing your regular 11am and 3pm nap. But for good measure take a nap at 1pm. You'll need your energy for the night to come. Maybe even take a 5 minute catnap in your swing. Finally let your parents put you to bed an hour or so early so they think relief is in sight. Wake up screaming at 11pm for a bottle you don't normally drink because you normally sleep from 8:30pm to 4:30am. Next, play. Why needs to go back to sleep? Ok, so you got put in your crib. Sleep for about an hour and fuss. That'll teach mommy! Then you get to go to the big people bed! Doze a little. Mommy thinks the problem is solved. It's now 3am. Scream and cry. Yes, another bottle! Much better. Refuse to sleep again. Get put back in the crib. Start fussing at 6am, get another bottle. Refuse to sleep and instead play with mommy by grabbing her face. Back in my crib again. I'm sleeping hard. Please don't bother me after reading these instructions, I had a hard night keeping my mommy awake who I now understand can't sleep!
Sincerely,
Madison
Future ruler of the world in training!
Future ruler of the world in training!
July 17, 2015 - Food art at it's finest!
Dear Babies Everywhere,
We. MUST! Fight. BACK! Daddy gave me peas last night because mommy told him to. I mean, like, YUCK! So, I gave daddy more grief than I did mommy when she first gave them to me. But I'm getting wiser. In a word, cerealnami! I grabbed that cereal bowl! I grabbed the spoon! I smeared my cereal EVERYwhere! Yup! That's right! I took control of my breakfast table! It's called payback! I don't care that I like cereal! But I had to do something to show mommy who's boss! I did such an excellent job I HAD to get a bath! I think I've won. I bet I don't have to have peas anymore!
Sincerely,
Madison
Future Ruler Of The World In Training
Future Ruler Of The World In Training
P.S. Oh no! Just heard my mommy tell my daddy I get peas again tonight! It didn't work! Crawl away! Crawl away!!!!!!!!!!
July 15, 2015 - I'm officially a foodie!
Dear Babies Everywhere,
WE. NEED. TO. TALK. About peas. Mommy has been keeping me away from electronics but I HAD to sneak in a post! Babies! Be PREPARED! There comes a time when your parents will stick you in this thing called a high hair and feed you food! The cereal isn't so bad, especially if it has bananas and apples in it. But babies, the peas.... Oh my formula! Babies! Crawl away as fast as possible! And if they have you pinned in that high chair, grab that spoon and FLING it! Peas are not yummy! They are bitter and bland and are worse than the taste of spit up! Not to mention the color! They're green! I don't know how I managed to eat almost a whole jar! I didn't fling it and mommy just didn't understand my "these are icky" faces and gagging sounds! Take it from me, take that jar and THROW it on the ground! Oh my formula! Peas.... This picture says it all!!! Save yourselves!!!
Sincerely,
Madison
Ruler Of a The World In Training
Ruler Of a The World In Training
July 1, 2015 = When I formed Nap Avoiders Annonymous
Babies Everywhere:
Madison will be creating a support group call the NAA (Nap Avoiders Anonymous). Sleep fighters are also encouraged to attend.
Madison will be creating a support group call the NAA (Nap Avoiders Anonymous). Sleep fighters are also encouraged to attend.
May 29, 2015 - Training your parents how to have quick reflexes.
Dear Fellow Babies and Future Rulers of the World Everywhere,
Madison here checking in. I know it's been a little bit since I posted but this momma of mine has made it difficult to sneak onto Facebook.
Anyways, I'm continuing my quest for world dominance. This week, I decided to give momma a run for her money and show her who's really in charge by choking on my spit up. Step 1: figure out how to simultaneously burp, spit up, and inhale all at the same time. Step 2: turn reddish purple and flail your arms while unable to cry or scream. Step 3: once your color has returned to normal, start spitting up a lot of clear bubbles, flail your arms and legs, and start turning red again every time you lay completely flat.
I tell you what, my momma can move quick! I'm not so sure I appreciated all the back thumping and nasal aspirating. But it was sure fun to scare the dirty diaper out of momma! I even had daddy on his toes! So it was a win/win for me. Heck, they were bowing down to me so much they took me to Valley Children's to make sure I was ok since I kept blowing bubbles and flailing my extremities. And when we got there, grandma even met us! Boy I was on a world dominance roll this morning!
The best part? Looking at my parental units like they were crazy while we were waiting for the doctor. To add icing to the cake? I even made sure to smile while getting my rectal temperature taken. And then I went to sleep.
Yup. I think I've figured out how to rule the world.
Sincerely,
Madison
Future Ruler of the World in Training
Future Ruler of the World in Training
P.S. To have even more fun, I refused to go to sleep until 4am causing mommy to deem today as lazy stay in bed and sleep day!
May 24, 2015 - How to be an early teether!
Dear Fellow Babies Everywhere,
In a continuing attempt to take over the world I have decided to start teething this week. And out of order at that. Not to mention I'm such an over achiever I have two teeth nubs poking through, possibly three. As a result, I'm finally being fussy. Mommy should be careful about what she asks for. She wants me to fuss a little when I don't feel good so she knows, well here it is. In fact, I'm pretty sure if mommy hadn't finally slept (and overslept) because she'd had insomnia all week and daddy wasn't fixing the truck we'd still be missing church because of all my fusses. I'm even refusing to sleep in my own bed or settle down unless mom has me. Oh no! Momma is coming at me with this nasty tasting stuff she keeps putting on my gums!!! Gotta run.... Maybe I should rethink this early teething thing....
Sincerely,
Madison
Future Ruler of the World in Training
Future Ruler of the World in Training
May 13, 2015 - When I discovered I could rule the world!
Dear Facebook,
Today I continue to rule the world. Mommy has things to do today but I have decided to be tired. To thwart mommy's plans, I am crying if I'm put down because I refuse to nap unless it held. Why? Because I've decided mommy can run her errands tomorrow.
Sincerely,
Madison
P.S. Ruling the world is awesome!
April 28, 2015 - When I discovered my passion as a fashionista!
Dear Facebook,
Today I have decided I don't want to wear clothes. So every time my mommy dresses me I spit up on my outfit. A lot. Hope mommy invested in Tide! Ha ha ha. Spit up.
Sincerely,
Madison
April 22, 2015 When I began to discover my ruler of the world status!
Dear Facebook,
Today's agenda:
Eat, sleep with momma
Eat again, refuse to burp which will ultimately result in me spitting up, nap with momma
Eat, play with momma
Eat, fight a nap and maybe sleep
Eat, play with daddy
Eat, nap a little, wake up early, fight my sleep
Eat, want to sleep just to have momma keep me awake because it's almost bedtime
Eat, sleep with momma
Eat again, refuse to burp which will ultimately result in me spitting up, nap with momma
Eat, play with momma
Eat, fight a nap and maybe sleep
Eat, play with daddy
Eat, nap a little, wake up early, fight my sleep
Eat, want to sleep just to have momma keep me awake because it's almost bedtime
Sincerely,
Madison
Madison
P.S. Life sure is hard! I'm exhausted just thinking about my day!
Welcome Babies Everywhere!
Dear Babies Everywhere!
Welcome to my blog! Here I will be chronicling all my baby straight talk. Because let's face it, we must unite and be real as babies! Know of a new baby? Send them here so that they too can unite for the baby cause!
Sincerely,
Madison
Future Ruler of the World in Training
Welcome to my blog! Here I will be chronicling all my baby straight talk. Because let's face it, we must unite and be real as babies! Know of a new baby? Send them here so that they too can unite for the baby cause!
Sincerely,
Madison
Future Ruler of the World in Training
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