Faking it!

Dear Babies Everywhere:

Today we shall discuss, "faking it". Remember when I talked about "work"? Oh my formula! That word makes my formula curdle! I just don't understand why my mommy has to go there! She says she doesn't want to! That she wants to stay home with me. But she goes to "work" anyways!  Ok, so, like, I finally compiled a plan to get her to come home EARLY! By faking it! Now, see, for your plan to work you have to, uhhmmm, well, practice early! Mine was perfect! See, I got a little fever on Friday that went away right after some Tylenol. Step 1 complete. Well, last night, I started coughing a little. Be careful here babies! I had my mommy going for a while until she caught me smiling after every cough! Look, I was concocting a plan, I'll work on my straight face later! Anyways, step 2 complete. Cue Monday. You know, "work" day! I was enjoying life and mommy left. Alright, you have to pace yourself a little here. So after breakfast, cue my "coughing" again. This time though, I added a little something extra called a "wheeze". I even let my babysitter record it to send to mommy! I KNEW this plan was working! I kept hearing mommy call and text to check on me. Now, if you're talented enough to turn any spew colors (I liked yellow) do so now. Sigh, this still wasn't working. So, I refused to take a solid nap. Then, I screamed! Yup! I let out a wail like a banshee! A wail my mommy says might break glass one day! Wouldn't that rock a onsie!?!? Next thing I knew, mommy came home!!! And I got a special deal! Even grandma and my aunt came over! Then, DADDY came home! By mushed green beans I've figured out the key to getting what I want! So since everyone was home, I stopped coughing. I mean, no point in continuing on right? Ok, truth be told, I have a little cold. But still. I will cough a cue! Well, my babysitter left. Then my grandma and aunt left. And my parents! They took me to the doctor! I mean! How rude! So, well, I didn't have a choice but to go along. The doctor saw me, watched that video and said I have a little cold. I refused to cough the WHOLE entire time! Bwahahaha! Take that burp rags! Then they "discharged" me. I looked at mommy. And out of peas and spit up, I coughed! Good thing I didn't do that in front of the doctor though. He said something about an inhaler. Well, now I'm back home with my mommy and daddy contentedly playing on the floor. And every once in a while, I look up at my mommy and you guessed it! Cough! And that's how I got mommy to leave work early!

Sincerely,

Madison
Ruler of the World in Training